The football world has been stunned by the drive-by shooting of Tim Sherwood. The big Tottenham and England midfield star has been famous this season for his headed goals, but this incident came as a shock to all Spurs fans who were present that day. The incident happened in broad daylight with many on-lookers passing the time of day in the vicinity. The volley had no regard for the safety of those nearby. His shot was driven by Nigel Martyn and into the net. His assistant, Steffen Freund, was lucky to escape, as a shot for him, was wide of the target.

Underworld connections are being made to the incident. The shooting comes amidst allegations that Sherwood was past his best by Bryan “Bone-Breaker” Robson. It was rumoured that Robson would not part with £4 million for Sherwood, preferring the cheaper option of Paul “The Guv’nor” Ince.

Eye witnesses speak of men in leather boots and the crack of foot on leather ball as it flew like a shot into the net. “The whole thing was a bit of a blur”, one bystander said, “it really came out of the blue.” Rumoured to involve a gang of opposition footballers and their boss, the Police have stated they have no Leeds to go on. When faced with this, the Press asked “Oh, really ?”, the Police replied “No, O’Leary”.

WYART LANE