|With Carling supposedly ready
to step down as sponsors of the Premier League, these tender documents
and what was thought of them were found by JOE KING in a bin in Soho
1 WALT DISNEY
- Because the League Cup is known as the "Mickey Mouse" cup.
Sponsoring the league would fit in nicely in our corporate plans by
calling it the "Donald Duck" Premier League. Trips off the
tongue with ease.
PUKKA PIES - There
was good support for Pukka Pies, namely Joe Kinnear, Matt Le Tissier,
Neil Ruddock, influential broadcaster David Mellor and Coventry City's
3 TIC TAC
- Arse*al gave their full support to this. Tic Tac can sweeten the
breath of any donkey and it also means a ready supply of sweets for
PLUMB CENTRE - Golden
bath taps and fittings might be OK for some, but someone's footballing
wife will always want a golden shower.
5 LINGUAPHONE - With
the amount of Johnny Foreigners and journeymen situated in a West London
village and an East End manor this tender had good support.
6 TIMEX - I
had always thought that a game of football lasted for 90 minutes, but
Sir Alex Ferguson and Gary Neville will tell you otherwise (especially
when they are losing). Wear the time piece they swear by. Even Terry
Venables was calling for better time keeping.
H.B.O. (HOME BOX OFFICE) - With this giant of the
entertainment industry wanting a slice of the action, Mark Bosnich,
Dwight Yorke, Rio Ferdinand, Frank Lampard and Kieron Dyer will be able
to find a ready made audience for their films.
BUPA - It was felt that this company should put
something back into the game, after all that it has taken out. Special
endorsements by D Anderton, T Adams, D Batty, G Le Saux and D Ferguson.
9 SPEC SAVERS - Good to see
this bid as a certain Frenchman needs help in this department. Beckham
was told that hindsight is a wonderful thing and he
puts it down to his recent purchase from them for the back of his
head. He also heard about the benefits of second sight, so bought two
pairs of glasses. When he once came up with a deep and meaningful
thought, he was told he had foresight, so got another couple of pairs.
10 ANDREX - A
very strong bid. Felt that this tender could go a long, long way.
However, supporters would feel shit if they won it and shit if they
didn't. Too high a possibility of on-pitch advertising using fans to
assist in promoting their product in this way.
11 EARLY LEARNING CENTRES -
Victoria (Posh) wanted this bid
to succeed. We asked if it was for Brooklyn and she said it was for her
other spoilt brat (?). She buys all David's reading books for his away