Let's face it, we're not getting any younger and we all have to think about our lavish lifestyles after our careers are over.

Then you are eligible for the Spurs Life Plan!!! We pay you £30,000 a week, there's a

pointless medical, and no sales person will call.

You'll get a FREE house, luxury car and limitless golf at some of England's finest courses.

Don't take our word for it, read these recommendations by some of our satisfied clients:

Gus, London

Christian, London

Dean R, London

Jamie and Louise, Essex

Mauricio, Buenos Aires

Darren, Watford.

Ossie, Swindon.

CALL NOW!

Don't sit there worrying about the future - RELAX - That phone will ring!!

Spurs life plan is regulated by D Levy and his pals at the bank, and is funded by the 30,000 who have invested in the "THFC Season Ticket" pyramid scam over the last 10 years.

Thanks to Steve White and Robert Flynn

Manchester Utd have apparently set up a call centre for fans who are troubled by their current form.


The number is 0800 10 10 10


Calls are charged at peak rate for overseas users.


Once again the number is 0800 won nothing won nothing won nothing.

Thanks to Mario Sergides and others

SADDAM STILL ALIVE
Saddam Hussein has just given a TV interview on Iraqi television to show that he wasn't killed in last night's bombing. 

He said "To prove I am still alive, Spurs were total sh*te on Saturday." 

A British Government spokesman moved quickly to question the validity of the broadcast, saying:
"That could have been recorded months ago."

Call to TalkSport Radio phone-in show ...

Presenter: We have Jim on the line who wants to discuss the Faroe Islands-Scotland game.

Jim: Thanks...er yeah. Just want to say it's an absolute disgrace. I mean we're playing probably the weakest side in world football and we can't do better than a draw.

Presenter: It was a poor result.

Jim: Poor result! Poor result! It's absolutely scandalous. The manager has lost the plot completely, he's got to go. I know we've never set the world alight over the years on the international stage but I can't remember things being this bad. It's the end for us. The absolute end. I can't see us ever recovering from a setback like this. We're a complete laughing stock.

Presenter: Look Jim. I know it seems bad now but there is still a long way to go. I can't see you qualifying for Euro 2004 but hopefully things will improve.

Jim: I never expected for a moment we would qualify. I don't mind that so much.  We're not good enough. But listen, to not qualify is one thing, but to ... fail to beat a team like Scotland is a different matter.  It's a
 bitter blow for everyone here on the Islands.

(Uproar and laughter in the studio)

I see a massive silhouetto of a man,
Pamarot, Pamarot he's a f**king big yiddo
Playing down the right he's very very frightening me
He's a yiddo (he's a yiddo)
He's a yiddo (he's a yiddo)
He's a yiddo Pamarot - magnifico
He's just a French boy bought by Santini
One of the new boys in the yid family
Taking the place of the sulking paddy
Wingers come wingers go, get kicked by Pamarot
Oi scousers! Noe, he even scores us goals - Pamarot
Oi scousers! He even scores us goals - Pamarot
Oi scousers! He even scores us goals - Pamarot
Will not let you go Pamarot
Will not let you go Pamarot
Noe, Noe, Noe, Noe, Noe, Noe, Noe
Super yiddo, super yiddo, super yiddo Pamarot
Frank Arnesen has a right back put aside for me, for me, for meeeeeee

[October 2004]

It's Christmas time,
The Spurs are so afraid,
It's Christmas time,
They've not got enough points from games they've played,
But in our world of plenty, Jol spreads no smile of joy,
Throw your arms around the Spurs at Christmas time,
But say a prayer
Pray for the blue and whites
At Christmas time, It's hard when your team is playing shite,
There's a world outside your window, And it's a world of Tottenham fear, Where the only water flowing, Is a whining Spurs fan's tears

And Santini's mobile ringing was the clanging chimes of doom,
Well tonight thank Levy it's them instead of you,
And there won't be many points for them this Christmas time,
The greatest gift they'll get this year's a draw
Where no pass ever goes, No flick or long ball flows,
Do they know how 3 points feel at all?
(Here's to you)
3 points for everyone
(Here's to them)
Travelling to Gillingham
Do they know how 3 points feel at all?
Feeeeeeeeed the Spuuuuuuuuuuuuuurs
(Let them know how 3 points feel)
Feed the Spurs (Let them know how 3 points feel)
Repeat then fade

[Christmas 2004]

(June 2004)

Ron Atkinson had to resign after making a racist remark live on air while 
commentating on a Champions League match on ITV

Thanks to the Good Doctor [June 2004]

Thanks to the Good Doctor [April 2004]