internet circulation 2

MEHSTG gets sent lots of stuff that is circulating on the internet, but doesn't claim it as it's own.
Here are a number of bits and pieces you might find interesting.

Previous internet circulation material

09.11.2006

On Arsene Wenger's bust-up on the touchline at Upton Park with Alan Pardew ... 

 

Arsene Wenger has broken his silence, after the incident at Upton Park on Sunday.  Looking emotionally drained Wenger, 79, spoke as Arsenal arrived back in North London.

 "I was disgusted at the treatment we received at West Ham. Our players are used to playing in a quiet, respectful atmosphere in which we can discuss tactics, compare our nice gloves, and scream loudly to let the referee know we've been tackled and need a free kick.

The atmosphere at Upton Park was little short of hostile. The opposing fans sang, shouted and cheered in a manner we are not used to. Almost all of them stayed for the whole game, too. This was strange to us; it doesn't happen back at the Al Emerates Qaeda Stadium.

In addition, our bag man left the team's glove bag back at Gonfraburton Grove, meaning that many of our players were playing with cold hands, and some of them cried.

My dispute with Alan Pardew was over his comments following their goal. 

"Did you see that?" he shouted. This was insulting. He must know that I see NOTHING on the pitch, unless it is a poor decision against Arsenal. I hope the FA realizes what bad feeling this can cause at a game and can have Managers and hopefully players banned from celebrating when scoring goals against us.. I was very disappointed to see him celebrate like that, it was almost as if he wanted us to loose. He did offer to shake my hand at the end but without the gloves my fingers were tres cold, and I didn't want to move them from under my armpits."

 

15.01.2007

On Chelsea's problems in Europe ... 

 

Trading Standard Officers have ordered the urgent recall of a defective product found to be faulty and dangerous ...

 

Over the Christmas and New Year period, tests proved the components in the product called "Chelsea FC" would fall apart when placed under the smallest amount of pressure. Consumers first experienced problems last year, when it was noted the product failed to work properly in Europe. Complaints were made about it malfunctioning and then emitting a continuous whining noise - usually in Portuguese. At the time the complaints were ignored. But when the product started falling apart in Britain over Christmas, the Trading Standards Authority took action.

A spokesman warned: "We particularly want to stress to parents that, with Chelsea FC, there is a genuine risk of choking that may end in tears come May.

Despite assurances from the company behind the product that action was taken to correct the faulty parts, including abandoning the use of the highly unpredictable and sub-standard component "Robert Huth", malfunctions have continued. Consumers have been urged to check the small print carefully for the words "this product may contain traces of Shevchenko". If that is the case buyers of the product are urged to put it back in its box and return immediately. "Shevchenko" has been known to cause a severe allergic reaction in many consumers, causing them to shout involuntarily "You useless Ukrainian t**t and "for f*** sake bring back Carlton Cole."

 

21.05.2004

On Leeds United's financial problems ... 

Is this the real life
Is this just fantasy
Leeds in a landslide
No escape from reality
Batter your wife
Shag sheep and cry and weeeep
You're just a poor club; you've got no sympathy
Because you're easy come, easy go
Flying high, now you're low
Leeds are going under, doesn't really matter to me
To me

Ridsdale, you've killed your club
Put a goldfish on your desk
Spent too much, but now he's dead
Ridsdale, life has just begun
But now you've gone and thrown it all away
Leeds scum, ooooh
Makes me laugh to see you cry
If your team has gone bust this time tomorrow
Carry on, carry on cos nothing really matters

Too late, their time has come
Sends shivers down my spine
Can't stop laughing all the time
Goodbye Leeds United-you've got to go
Gotta leave the premier league and face the truth
Leeds scum oooooo
I want to see you cry
I bet that little lad on TV wishes he'd never been born at all

I see a little shadow of a team
Munich songs, Munich songs but your club are going under
Smithy to United - very very frightening me
Peter Ridsdale, Peter Ridsdale
Peter Ridsdale, Peter Ridsdale
Peter Ridsdale, magnificooooo oh oh oh oh

You're just a poor club and nobody loves you
Your granddad is your father, keep it in the family
Spending your cash on some monstrosity
Easy come easy go, will you let me go
Seth Johnson! No - we will not let you go - let him go
Seth Johnson! We will not let you go - let him go
Seth Johnson! We will not let you go - let me go
Will not let you go - let me go
Will not let you go - let me go
No, no, no, no, no, no, no
Thanks for Eric, Thanks for Eric, Thanks for Eric, he's a God
Ferdinand a red devil for 30 mill, 30 mill, 30 mill

So you think its funny to sing songs when people die-
So you think we'll all miss you because you cried
Oh Leeds scum- you make me @#%$ my sides Leeds scum
Just going down - just going right outta here

Leeds are going under
Anyone can see
Leeds are going under and I think it's really funneeeeeee !!!!

 

Thanks to Ian Dawson

23.06.2004

England's strike force pose for a photo

Thanks to Steve White

23.11.2001

Football managers tell us "Why did the chicken cross the road ?"

Arsene Wenger
"From my position in the dug-out I did not see the incident clearly so I cannot really comment.
However, I do think that he gets picked on by opposition players and fans who are clearly chickenophobic."

David O'Leary
"To be fair, he's just a baby chicken really and crossing the road is just a big exciting adventure for him. He'll enjoy the experience as long as it lasts and learn from it, but I don't seriously expect him to cross it this season."

Sir Alex Ferguson
"As far as I'm concerned he crossed the road at least a minute early according to my watch."

George Graham
"I want good, solid team chickens who'll cross the road in a straight line when they're told and how they're told. There's no room at this club for a prima donna chicken running around aimlessly - he's not worth it!"

Gianluca Vialli
"When the fish are down, he'll just be one of the chaps. It doesn't matter to me whether he's an Italian, French or English chicken as long as he's willing to die on the pitch for Chelsea."

Peter Reid
"Just cross the ****ing road, you chicken ****!"

Glenn Hoddle
"The chicken was hit by the lorry when crossing the road because in a previous life it had been a bad chicken."

Brian Clough
"If God had wanted chickens to cross roads he'd have put corn in the tarmac. Anyway, I'm more interested in Wild Turkey."

Ron Atkinson
"Spotter's badge, Clive. For me, Chicko's popped up at the back stick, little eyebrows, and gone bang! And I'll tell you what - I've got a sneaking feeling that this road's there to be crossed."

Ruud Gullit
"I am hoping to see some sexy poultry."

Gordon Strachan
"I'm really proud of the wee fella. Let's face it, if it had been one of the big chickens everyone would be saying how well he'd done, but as it's one of the wee chickens it must be luck."

John Gregory
"Two months ago that chicken was saying he was happy here. Now he tells me he wants to cross the road. I feel like shooting him."

Kevin Keegan
"OK, so the chicken's dead, but I still feel, hey, he can go all the way to the other side of the road."

Thanks to Chris Fincham

29.01.2002

Following the Semi-final League Cup win over Chelsea ... To the tune of "Because I got High"

 

John Terry first stood on the ball, The Keeper Said Why?

Steffan sticked out his big toe, Ranieri said why?

The Spurs are off to Cardiff and I know why,

Because we got 5,

Because we got 5,

Because we got 5,

Da la la la la la

 

Corner to Tottenham, Float it in high.

The Big Guns are at the backpost, Float one in high,

Sherwood from 18 yards, the Chelsea fans cry,

Because we got 5,

Because we got 5,

Because we got 5,

Da la la la la la

 

Second half kicks off late, the Spurs are still high,

Pass and move and run off the ball, the Spurs are on Fire

A floated ball knocked down to Sheringham, Teddy let's fly,

Teddy lets fly,

Teddy lets fly,

Teddy lets fly,

Da la la la la la

 

The ref sends off Jimmy F, Jimmy says why?

It was Mario who raised his hands, Nobody knows why?

And now Marcel Desailly is about to cry!

Jimmy Goodbye!!!

Jimmy Goodbye!!!

Jimmy Goodbye!!!

Da la la la la la

We got Simon Davies on the cheap, from Barry Fry,

He's been playing out of his skin, he's on a high,

Now's he just banged one in, what a great buy, yeah yeah,

Because we got 5,

Because we got 5,

Because we got 5,

Da la la da la la

 

Papers say Sergei Rebrov is soon to say 'bye', They say he'll pack up his

suitcase and off he will fly But Sergei is off to Cardiff, do you know why?

BECAUSE WE GOT 5

BECAUSE WE GOT 5

BECAUSE WE GOT 5

Ba-da-da-da, da-da-dalala- dalala, dalala, dada

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