morning, M. Wenger,” said the Optician as the Arsenal manager walked
into the shop ... door.
Optician. I am ‘ere for ma eye test,” announced Wenger.
“And not before time may
I say. How have your glasses been ??”
“Well, I zink zey are not
correct, because I am zeeing everyzink different to uzzer people”
moaned the Frenchman.
“Just take a seat here M.
Wenger and we will start with a colour-blindness test. This is to see if
you are red/green colour blind. Can you look at the picture and tell me
what you see ?”
Wenger concentrated hard.
“I can zee ze grin zing, but there is no red zing zere at all. I
cannot zee anyzink in red, zo it cannot ‘ave ‘appened. I kno’ zis
is zomethink my players do not ‘ave ze problem wis, because zey are
always to be seeing red.”
“OK. Now we’ll do the
sight chart. Can you please read the top line of letters.”
“Oui. Eet is
B...J...C...T.” Wenger said.
“That is very good. Now
the next line please.”
“A...V. Aah, I cannot
“Why not M. Wenger ?”
the optician queried.
“Well, I could not zee
properly from where I wez sitting. And anyway, one of your assistants
provoked me by saying I smell of talcum powder,” whinged the Red
“Try the next line then.”
“No. I cannot read any of
zem either,” pronounced the erudite Gaul.
“What now ?” demanded
the eye doctor getting exasperated.
I was watching ze ball and I did not zee anuzzer line.”
“Please try and attempt
the bottom line, if it is not too much trouble.”
“No, I am zorry, but zere
were too many bodies in ze way for me to zee it clearly. I will ‘ave
to wait for ze video of ze incident before deciding what was on zat
line,” stated the Arsenal boss.
“Well, what about if I
put the sight test chart over on the wall on the other side of the room
?” the optician offered.
“Ah, bon. The third line
is N...O...H...E...A...D...B...U...T...T. Zat is easy. I can zee zat zo
clearly,” Wenger proudly announced. “And from ‘ere I can recognise
ze bottom line is ze small print on ze contract from Real Madrid !! Doh