Yeah, well, it's nuffink to do wiv me now, but I fink that Spurs can win the Champions League.

Oh, wot ?  They're not in the Champions League ?  Well, they always was every season I was at Tottenham.  T'riffic team I 'ad.  Smashin' set of lads, all worked 'ard and drove 'ard.  'Spechilly that David Bentley.  Wot a joker he was.  Crickey, that bucket of walta over me 'ed. Well, it made me realise he weren't gonna play for the team again cos his distribution of that walta over me was all wrong, weren't it.

I fought that we could do summink this year.  Add a few players to the squad every few weeks and it would have been job done.

I wanted to sign that Pele last summer you know.  I watched videos of him and he looked a t'riffic player.  And that Frank Puskas ... great player.  He would have fitted great into our midfield.

No, I ain't got a problem with that David Levin.  We had a great relationship ... I would tell him what players I wanted and then he would tell me not to be so stupid, they don't play anymore.  Then he would show me recordings of Match Of The Day and say take your pick.  I didn't know he was talking about what club I was going to manage next.

All that fuss abaht the England manager's job never effected me.  I knew I wasn't gunna get it.  Tha's why I was always keeping fings under me 'at wiv the chaps at the Press.  It never effected the team eva.  They were only worried when I weren't gunna be the Spurs manager next year.  You culd see it in their little faces.  Tha's why I wanted a new contract.  It weren't for me I wuz doing it.  It wuz for them.

I fought I was gonna be the next manager of England, but then that David Cameroon got the job and I was left aht in the cold after they never even give me the Olympics manager's job.  I don't reckon much to that Boris Johnson and can't see Team Bojo winning it with him in charge.

Leavin' Beckham out is a joke.  Who are these geezers wot make these decisions ?  How can he not be in the team after all 'e's done to get the Games in London ?  They're even letting that Pippa Middleton bird go in the horse racing, so how can't Beckham get in the football team ?  It's a joke and if Middleton is any good, I'll 'ave her riding my horses in future.

I fink Aston Villa Bores was unlucky at Chelsea.  I could 'ave done a better job than 'im tho'.  e'll be orlright at Tottenham, what's a t'riffic club.  If he can finish forth, e'll almost be as good as what I was.  'e's got a problem as none of the player's speak Portuguese.  And Sandro talks in Brazilian !!

Modric, what a t'riffic player.  Spurs will do well to hang onto 'im, but if I was there, he'd be a shoo-in.  Smashing lads the Creations.  Train all day long.  Kranjcar was a solid player and that Corluka, what a card.  Sorry, I'm not manager anymore, as I couldn't wait to get rid of 'im.

Me ... I'll be alright, it's just Sandro I feel sorry for ... being stuck wiv me all day. 

Oh, no ... wot I meant was Sandra.

Rarry Hedknapp was talking to himself