Square Balls


The new adidas kit seems to have made an early debut with many people wearing a blue and white shirt at the Villa game and at Wembley. This was a bit disconcerting as it appeared to be lighter than navy blue. There was also a large insert at the bottom of the V neck, which looked cumbersome. I guess these may be genuine, Newcastle having had a consignment of their adidas shirts stolen prior to release a few years back, but I would like to see what the club comes up with first.

Did anybody notice that the date for the Worthington Cup Final was wrong on the Spurs calendar. Also the two players on the March page were Vega and Nielsen - two players who made a major contribution to the victory. In May, the two players on the photo for that month are Edinburgh and Anderton.

David Beckham’s baby was delivered by Caesarean section, because there was a problem with his wife. Every time the midwife shouted "Push !!", she shouted back "No. It’s Posh !!"

There is no truth in the rumour that Stanley Collymore is about to join the Hatters.

For all the furore over Glenn Hoddle and faith healing, it comes to light that Kevin Keegan has recommended them to his players in the past and his wife wants to be one too.

In the Carling Masters, Chris Waddle went down after being kneed in the upper thigh. As he laid in agony Glenn came onto the pitch with the Spurs physio and laid his hands on his former team-mate !!

It was also noteworthy that Arsenal tried to sign a 16 year old German youngster, but he decided to stay at home in the end. This move prompted a rebuke for the Gooners and their penchant for European minors.

Graham Rix was jailed for twelve months for having sex with an under-age girl. Chelsea intend to keep his position open for him (apparently).

Is it any surprise that Tramezzani wants to leave the club ? Have you seen the draw a picture of Paolo competition in the Junior Spurs pages of the programme ??


Frank and Ronald de Boer have joined Barcelona in a joint deal. That’s what comes of living in Amsterdam !!

Another case for the X-Files cropped up when the FA Cup 3rd round replays took place. Was it just coincidence that West Ham and Rushden and Diamonds were both playing that night and both those teams which are sponsored by Dr. Martens were booted out of the competition.

It has been said that the new sponsors of Arse-anal is to be Sega, the video games system manufacturer. Unfortunately, the Italian translation of this has been reported as W**k!! That will really impress Juventus when they meet them in a friendly match !!

Allegedly, Glenn Hoddle was so relieved after the press conference after his departure that he needed a stiff drink. But he didn’t get legless or anything !!

There was a moment before the Tottenham v Wimbledon League match, which raised a laugh around the ground. The Spurs mascot ran off the pitch after the captains had tossed up and lost her footing landing on her not inconsiderably sized bottom. However, she need not have felt embarrassed, as the Wombles debutant put even her backside in the shade.

Now Spurs are set to meet Leicester City in the Worthington Cup Final, let’s really have that pre-match entertainment we all want to see. YEAH - Chirpy v Filbert Fox !!


The front covers of football mags recently have seemed at odds with each other. The issue of Shoot ! available around Christmas proclaimed Sol Campbell - The Best Defender in the World , while December’s Four Four Two has the man quoted as halfway to being the world’s best defender.

West Ham have signed a young player from non-league Kingstonian. Yes, they are even buying in their own Holligans now !!!

In a Stalinist style type rewriting of history, Christian Gross has been erased from all of the club’s team photos for this season. It is just like he never existed. In the one doing the rounds for away games, he has been totally removed (legs and all) and on the Internet, his head has been cut off and Alasdair Beattie - our physio - takes pride of place in the middle of the front row, even though his head is stuck on at a very strange angle. In the framed squad picture available in the Spurs merchandising catalogue, Gross has completely disappeared - even his legs have been edited out - and his place has been taken by the club crest !!!

Interesting to see that Tony Verailles of Lens formed the opinion that English football is total crap after playing against Arsenal in the Champions League.

Odd slip of the keyboard on the official website. In the report on the Everton match they refer to NEIL Young, older brother of Luke, who they really meant.

My favourite Christmas Joke
Q : What do you see if you go into the toilet after the Wimbledon No. 20 has hasn’t flushed it ??
A : A Euell Log !!!

Did anybody notice the two heavy geezers standing behind the top table at the AGM ? I think they must have been there in case anybody tried to attack GG or Sugar, but they wasted their time as there were nothing more than bouquets for the two controversial characters.

While we are no means free from making mistakes, the last minute ref change threw the match day magazine into confusion. But inside there were two pieces on Today’s Referee - about David Elleray (who was supposed to take charge) and Paul Alcock !! Editing a magazine is no pushover you know !!


Following on from last issues obsession with squad numbers, their efforts shows that there is nobody at Highbury with a sense of humour. If there was then surely they would have given Petit 4 !! ( a little culinary joke there). And Keown has the number 14, because of his great hero Johan Cruyff, who was also a great defender !!

What is going on in the world of football pitches these days ?? Gone are the times when White Hart Lane was a mudbath that hosted the 1970 FA Cup semi-final, but the pitch at the Amsterdam Arena has just been relaid for the eighth time in under 18 months !! And now that the fourth official advises on the amount of time to be added on for stoppages, Alex Ferguson has found a new excuse for Man U not scoring (against Newcastle) - it was because of the recently laid pitch at Old Trafford cutting up !!

And now an old Australian joke ...
Q. How can you tell when A. Shearer is in town ??
A. You can hear the bleating from miles away !!

Crystal Palace have had a bit of trouble with refs lately. A couple of sendings off at Grimsby and then the match at West Brom saw a melee at the final whistle after one of the Chinese players was sent off and the referee was accosted by the other. The humourless official has reported the matter to the FA as he didn’t see the funny side of the Palace "Fan Zhiyi-ne".

If David Shayler, the MI5 agent detained in France, was in intelligence, how comes he supports Middlesbrough

Did anyone hear the female commentator on Match of The Day (the day we played Arsenal) who was doing the voice over for the goals from the FA Cup 1st round ?? Well, she got halfway through her bit, but something must have happened to put her off and she said " S**t" before everything went silent. Des, Alan and Trevor didn’t say anything about it at the end of the round-up, but I think it is possibly the first time a rude word has been heard on MoTD.

Did anyone notice the Spurs bag of a fan strategically placed behind the Borehamwood dug-out in their FA Cup tie v Luton, which was featured on Sky ?


On GMTV recently, a story was featured concerning David Beckham’s engagement to Victoria Adams (commonly known as “Posh Spice”). The presenter was heard to say that the announcement had been made at a large Cheshire hotel and they could hardly wait to show the world their rings !!!!

Has anybody noticed that Tony Gale (on Sky TV) seems to be turning into Ron Manager from The Fast Show ??? He even said “Isn’t it” at the end of one of his sentences. Further to this Gale has also distinguished himself on GoonerGold, when after the Spurs v West Ham match he interviewed John Moncur and failed to ask him about the incident that resulted in Abou being sent off. Probably because he knew the answer he would get. Jonathon Pearce’s comments in the phone-in after the game did him great discredit - insinuating that Vega would cry off from the match at Upton Park next season (bit hopeful there) and when reprimanded by a caller, he said he would take it all back if Vega said he had nothing to do with getting the West Ham player sent off. It was all about foreign players making the most of incidents such as this, but did he notice Moncur going to ground after inadvertently being caught on the head with a knee ?????? Oh, and Berkovic in the Blackburn FA Cup game. Need I say more ??

The experts seem to be taking great glee in Tottenham’s present predicament. Dave Bassett seemed very happy to state that we would be one of the teams to go down. Well, he would say that wouldn’t he ?? As an ex-Womble he’d take any chance to kick us when we’re down (the bottom of the league).

Is it just me or on the same day that we lost to Barnsley in the FA Cup, did Carlton Palmer get fined for making comments to the referee in Southampton’s Third Round tie at Derby ? And it was that referee - Gerald Ashby - who’s officiating that very evening provoked a quote from Les Ferdinand that it was the worst display he’d ever seen from a ref and that included park matches. The next week, after the Newcastle v Tranmere FA Cup match, John Aldridge criticised the ref for treating his team like “second class citizens”. Spot the connection. Answers on a postcard to Lancaster Gate.

Did anyone notice Ramon Vega trying to equal up the number of broken jaws in the Barnsley FA Cup tie by swinging his arm right on the final whistle ? Nice try Ramon, but do we really need anybody else suspended?

How about Gullitt getting the bullet at Stamford Bridge, eh ?? Seems Basher Bates was glad to get shot of him. A message to you Rudi; I dread to think what would have happened to the club if you had stayed longer. They might have gone bust and could have gone Dutch to share their ground !!

News of Alan Shearer's alleged fight with Keith Gillespie tells of a right hook that put the right winger in hospital. It shows just what a top striker Shearer is !!

Alex Ferguson's claims about the Monaco pitch being like 'a potato patch' has struck a chord with the owners of the stadium. They are to change the name of it from the King Louis II to the King Edwards Stadium.

A recent edition of Goal magazine featured loyal players including our own David Howells. Shame they used a picture of Paul Moran for a young Howellsy.

John Gregory, new manager of Aston Villa, allegedly, was a Spurs fan as a boy. If that is so, how come that when he was a player he was always so obnoxious to Spurs fans??

Glad to hear at the Bolton home game that the people in control of the Videoscreen have at last changed the music to accompany the introductory pictures at matches from the dreaded Eric Clapton's "Bad Luck" to Annie Lennox's "Revival". Much more apt (he said hopefully).

West Ham are allegedly short of funds for incoming transfers, so Harry Redknapp was beside himself when he opened the newspapers and read about the "Free Deidre (Barlow)" stories !!

The Leeds team that were on the plane that crashed on the way home after the West Ham match on 30.3.98 were grateful for George Graham's defence first policy as he had told them that he wanted every man at the back !!

Did anyone notice that the Swiss manager, looked incredibly like artist David Hockney ??

What if Les Ferdinand's girlfriend, TV presenter Dani Behr, packed him in and married ex-Spur, Teddy Sheringham, but refused to take his name and made him have her surname?? Would he be Teddy Behr ???

How many Manchester United fans does it take to change a light-bulb at Old Trafford ??

Only one, but he has to come all the way from Torquay !!

What if our Swiss international centre-half was involved in a clash with West Ham's French international goalkeeper, would the headlines read "RAMON - LAMA DING-DONG" ???

One year after the Labour government were elected into power in Britain, perhaps it was some sort of synchronicity that Thatcher of the blue team was sent off in our match at Selhurst Park against Wimbledon.

In the latest Walkers Crisps advertisement, featuring Gary Lineker, he plays a "Mission Impossible" style agent, who replaces a little girl's Walkers crisps with an inferior brand, while suspended from the ceiling by a rope. How many people recognised the "home" that the little girl goes into when surrounded by security men ?? It is none other than Hackney Town Hall. My, my. How Golden Gary has come down in the world !!!

News reports that Clive Wilson, the 36 year-old Spurs left back, is set to be offered a new one year contract, seems to be directly related to the Spurs chairman hearing a story about Willo laying on a hospital bed before going for surgery on an injury sustained in the home match against Everton. The defender asked how the team had got on and his dedication to duty so impressed the Spurs supremo that he wrote a one page article in the Spurs programme about it. Get ready for a rash of our injured players enquiring about the team's fortunes when at death's door as this seems to be a sure-fire way of staying at the club.

Funny how Alan Shearer gets a fast lane to Lancaster Gate to clear his name while all and sundry have to sweat on Graham Kelly sending out their invitations by fleet footed messenger. Who said one rule for one ........

Lots of Beckham jokes following the World Cup:

Q: What is the difference between David Beckham and an Airfix model??
A: One is a glueless kit...

Q: What is the difference between David Beckham and a pot of jam??
A: One is a petulant overpaid berk who dashes the hopes of a nation and the other is a rather tasty fruit preserve.

Q: What is the difference between David Beckham and Posh Spice??
A: Posh Spice doesn't kick out when she's taken from behind.

(Thanks to the Spurs Message Board and it's contributors)

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