- Goalkeepers should only be
allowed four steps once they are in possession of
the ball, even after they have started to play
the ball with their feet. Failure to do so would
result in a direct free-kick, which being close
to the goal would increase the possibility of
more goals and certainly more excitement.
- Players who implore
referees to book opponents should receive a
caution themselves. This punishment could reduce
the pressure being applied to officials during
the game.
- Make shielding the ball out
of play an offence resulting in an indirect
free-kick for obstruction. The player shielding
the ball has no intention of playing it and is
merely interested in preventing the opponent
reaching the ball. This would be construed as
obstruction anywhere else on the pitch, so why
not near their own goal. Players only get
frustrated by this practice and end up bundling
the defender over the touchline, so it could
reduce friction in that respect too.
- If a team in the relegation
places come the end of the season has beaten
another side home and away during the season,
they can swap places with them. This has an air
of natural justice, as if one team who is safe
cannot beat one of the bottom sides, they deserve
to go down. It would also mean an end to
meaningless mid-table games as every game becomes
a relegation decider. Should one of the clubs in
the drop zone have done the double over more than
one side, they have the choice of who goes down.
- On transfer deadline day,
each club must nominate two players to go on loan
and then a FA Cup style draw would take place
using wooden balls and two velvet bags would be
undertaken to determine which player will play at
which club for the remainder of the season. (i.e.
Player Number 47 ... Teddy Sheringham will play
for ... Team number 23 ... Northampton Town.)
Every time
the ball goes out of play, ball-boys around the
pitch will return a ball to the player
immediately to reduce the amount of time lost
while the ball is in the crowd. The only thing
about this idea that is different to that already
in place in the Champions League, is that every
ball held by the ball-boys will be different.
There will be one big ball, one small one, one
light, one heavy and one wobbly one like the
Harlem Globetrotters use.

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Man United exhibit their big ball
for their next campaign. |
- The area within the goal
(behind the goal-line) should be filled with
plasticine, like a long-jump take-off board. In
the event of a Geoff Hurst style World Cup Final
goal, this would bear an imprint of the ball and
resolve any argument as to whether the ball was
over the line or not. It would also provide lots
of fun when goalkeepers and players got stuck in
the stuff !!
- Coat goalposts with highly
elastic rubber solution. This would cause
hilarious consequences when the ball would
rebound at great speeds as it cannoned off the
woodwork, or rubberwork, as it would henceforth
be known.
- Referees should have a
radio link with coverage of the match to receive
expert opinion from summarisers about major
incidents in the match. It works for cricket and
who knows better than the men who are paid a
fortune already to state the obvious.
- Appoint a panel of European
players to award merit marks for artistic
impression for dives by players trying to gain
free-kicks. In the event of a draw the team with
the highest total would get the three points even
though some of their players may have been booked
or sent off for attempting to hood-wink the
referee, then it would be up to a coach to play
the percentage game on whether to risk men being
dismissed or to go for the merit marks.
I think you will agree, that
should all or any of these ideas be implemented, the game
would be a whole lot more enjoyable.
Theo Wreticle.
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