Choose overbearing arrogance.
Choose systematic dirty play and calling it
Choose the most staged, contrived, up-your-own-ar$es goal celebrations
Choose winning two championships in eleven seasons and acting like
you've won seven in nine.
Choose paying £9 million for Francis Jeffers.
Choose Dennis Bergkamp and his carefully-timed elbows into the side of
Choose deliberately disrespecting and belittling the other team by
playing keepy-uppy in their half with a few minutes to go.
Choose fancying yourselves as better than
Real Madrid, then having Chelsea run rings around you at home. Choose
turning the sports section of the observer into a gunners fanzine.
Choose getting away with light or delayed punishments at FA disciplinary
hearings because you've had every possible string pulled by David Dein.
Choose a persecution complex nonetheless
and never shut up about it.
Choose embarrassing yourselves in a Renault "va-va-voom" ad
and then disgracing yourselves further at the world cup finals.
Choose David Seaman and his public mid-life crisis.
Choose watching an opponent miss a last-minute penalty against you, then
running after him and jeering him.
Choose George Graham grinding his way to the dullest championship win of
Choose to see yourselves as one of the giants of continental football
when you've never even reached a European cup semi-final in your entire
Choose picking Ray Parlour for over a
Choose having the quietest stadium in the world ("The Library")
as your home ground, and then having the cheek to slag Man Utd about
Choose having Nick Hornby as the
mouthpiece of your supporters.
Choose pretending that five or six years of playing in a watchable
fashion makes up for inflicting over a century of ultra-defensive dogsh*t
on English football watchers.
Choose Igor Stepanovs, Nelson Vivas, Kanu, Pascal Cygan, Davor Suker,
Gilles Grimandi, David Grondin, Remi Garde, Kaba Diawara, Junichi
Inamoto, Jeremie Aliadiere, Oleg Luzhny, Luis Boa Morte, Richard Wright,
Stefan Malz, Christopher Wreh, and all the other turkeys that nobody
ever mentions when creaming themselves about how great Wenger is in the
Choose 58 red cards in seven years.
Choose bottling the treble despite having all the luck in the world.