arsenal stuff 4

A lot of material circulates on the Internet and we include here some stuff about Arsenal, which you might enjoy ...


Choose Arsenal.
Choose overbearing arrogance.
Choose systematic dirty play and calling it "competitiveness".
Choose the most staged, contrived, up-your-own-arses goal celebrations ever witnessed.
Choose having the ugliest man on earth as your centre-back and the second ugliest as your manager.
Choose winning two championships in eleven seasons and acting like you've won seven in nine.
Choose drawing 99% of your fanbase from the ranks of the suburban English middle classes.
Choose Patrick Vieira whinging about having to play too much football even though he gets six games' rest every season due to suspensions.

Choose paying £9 million for Francis Jeffers.
Choose being "the bank of England club".
Choose Dennis Bergkamp and his carefully-timed elbows into the side of the head.
Choose deliberately disrespecting and belittling the other team by playing keepy-uppy in their half with a few minutes to go.

Choose forcing merchandise vendors out of business because they might deprive you of a couple of hundred quid on match days.

Choose fancying yourselves as better than Real Madrid, then having Auxerre run rings around you at home.
Choose Sol Campbell continually tripping over himself.
Choose turning the sports section of the observer into a Gunners fanzine.
Choose getting away with light or delayed punishments at FA disciplinary hearings because you've had every possible string pulled by David Dein.
Choose a persecution complex nonetheless and never shut up about it. Choose gamesmanship.
Choose embarrassing yourselves in a Renault "va-va-voom" ad and then disgracing yourselves further at the World Cup finals.

Choose David Seaman and his public mid-life crisis.
Choose watching an opponent miss a last-minute penalty against you, then running after him and jeering him.
Choose George Graham grinding his way to the dullest championship win of all time.
Choose stepping forward in a four-man line with your right hands all raised in the air, then screaming abuse at the linesman when he has the audacity to keep his flag down.

Choose to see yourselves as one of the giants of continental football when you've never even reached a European Cup semi-final in your entire history.
C hoose picking Ray Parlour for over a decade.
Choose having the quietest stadium in the world ("the library") as your home ground, and then having the cheek to slag Man Utd about their fans.
Choose having Nick Hornby as the mouthpiece of your supporters.
Choose making umpteen lists of reasons why arsenal are so great, and then admitting you didn't bother following them for a few years in the 1980s when they were getting shit results.

Choose Tony Adams coming out with his usual dreary "I am a recovering addict" spiel every time a Premiership footballer blots his copy-book.

Choose pretending that five or six years of playing in a watchable fashion makes up for inflicting over a century of ultra-defensive dogshit on English football watchers.

Choose Igor Stepanovs, Nelson Vivas, Kanu, Pascal Cygan, Davor Suker, Gilles Grimandi, David Grondin, Remi Garde, Kaba Diawara, Junichi Inamoto, Jeremie Aliadiere, Oleg Luzhny, Luis Boa Morte, Richard Wright, Stefan Malz, Christopher Wreh, and all the other turkeys that nobody ever mentions when creaming themselves about how great Wenger is in the transfer market.

Choose 58 red cards in seven years. Choose lying to the media that you didn't see a single one of the incidents that caused all these red cards. 
Choose being a bunch of smug, self-regarding w**kers who are well on their way to being even more unpopular than Man U in less than half the time.

Choose Arsenal.

Thanks to Danny Keene among many others



Following a Spurs centre-half's defection up the Seven Sisters Road, this is how one fan felt ...

(To the tune of "I Will Survive")

At first I was a yid. I was deified.
If I'd walk in to the red sea it would move aside.
But then I spent so many nights thinking how to do you wrong
And though It took two years of planning I've finally strung you all along.

And now I'm back. Just up the road.
It doesn't matter where you're from to see that I'm a toad.
I've stabbed you in the back and lied right to your flipping face
If I knew my mum I'd shag her and I'm feeling flipping ace.

And so I'm off. Please don't be sad.
Ten years to some means nothing - so to a million it can't be bad.
The way I see - you owe me so bow down and worship me
And now my kit looks like a tampon it should be easier to seeeee...

That I'm a twat. A flipping slag.
I wonder who-of my teammates I will be the first to shag
Whether youthful looking Freddie, or the Gallic rear of Pires,
Of course there too is Arsene I hope he likes my bondage dress.

Right, "Up the Arse!" They're all at it.
It's just a shame that last year we sold Overmars and Petit,
I've heard many things about them -That Marc squeals just like a girl
But I'll have to take them backwards 'cos their faces make me want to hurl.

I've joined a zoo. I'll fit right in.
Donkeys, chimps and monkeys are where I've been trying to get in.
I'd just love to meet "new chimp boy", and the ape thing called Keown
I just love Kanu's weird boat race - I want them for my very own.

But I'm in shit. The fans just are not great.
This move to the Library might have just sealed my fate.
The Yid firm is all angry and Denton's dangling off a bridge
I'll need round the clock protection even when I look in to my fridge.

And I - I won't survive.
Violence, hate and fire will send me screaming down my drive,
I'll be begging for forgiveness, I'll be down upon one knee,
No matter where I go they'll hate me - I'll have to play for Germany.

And so I'll go. Walk out the door.
I'll just tell them ... that they should have won the war.
I'll just trample on Saint George and say "it really wasn't me
By the way what are you paying? And what is my sign-on feeeeeeeeee?

Thanks to Paxton Girl



Here is a view of the defection by Sol Campbell.

Thanks to Eric Savill 



Same tune (I will Survive) – different sentiments.

As the Double winners Arsene’s team were deified (look it up Gooners)
Even with a chimpanzee and donkey side by side
But then they started getting old and couldn’t win the Worthless Cup
And since they cashed in on Anelka they’ve been coming runners up 

But not this year, it’s somebody new
Because the Scousers and the Leeds are much better than you
And even Chelsea bought more wisely than your untried new recruits
But now at least you have a player who can fill Willie Young’s boots 

Because Sol’s thick, can’t pass the ball
Although he’s not bad in the air,
He cannot spread the play at all
And you’re the mugs for paying him the cash you’ve splashed about
And midway through the season his first touch will find him out 

But he’s got Europe, something that’s new
He’ll be off to play in Spain
Unless he changes trains at Crewe
And as he sits there on the bench next to Jeffers dodgy knee
He can reminisce that Anderton at least played two or three 

More than that scouse
Who cost 10 mill
And he’s never played for England
And I hope he never will
Because he’s really done f**k all and we will can all sit back and gloat
As you have someone to challenge Adams as your very own Sicknote 

And Champions league ?
You’re way too shit
You’ll be knocked out before Christmas
By Brondby or Hajduk Split
And then Winger he’ll be off to Tokyo, the Mancs or Spain
And Vieira will sign a contract down the road at White Hart Lane 

Cos we’ll be back in white and blue
Although we’ve won fuck all these past three years
That’s just the same as you
And when you feel like dropping in
Our Hod will teach you how to pass
Just like he always did when you were licking Rix’s Arse  

Oh then there’s Wright, well he’s not bad
Although he’ll have to dislodge Seaman 
(God that ponytail is sad)
And as tricky Dicky gives away another penalty
The facts will stare you in the face
They’re there for all to see 

That Spurs are back
We’ve got some youth
Not that bunch of has been Gooners
Getting longer in the tooth
And as Sheri teaches them the way
We’ll sneak up from behind
In November you will get a taste
When you land on your behind 

But not with Sol
He’s got no guts
I’ll bet he has a niggling thigh strain or has missed the latest bus
Does anybody really think he wasn’t fit to play
When Chimp and Cole got left in charge and gave the ball away 

Against the Dutch
Who sure can play
Unless it’s Dennis Bergcamp cos his team have flown away
And he is still stuck in a traffic jam on the M25
Wondering why his place in the Arsenal squad can still be justified
But he’ll survive, he will survive 

Oh as long as he’s up Winger’s Arse the contract will be signed,
Cos they have all their cash to give
To him and some over hyped ex Yid
They will survive
Taking the Arse for a Ride … hey hey. 

Fade out etc……


With thanks to The Dazzler



Arsenal introduced a new shirt for their last season at Highbury.

Thanks to Ivan Cohen



Arsenal players show off their new shirts for the 2007-08 season.

Thanks to Glenn Weaver

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