In The City

Our intrepid city analyst Giles Jackson has an update on all the latest rumours Linking television companies with football clubs.

Firstly, I can reveal that it is definitely not true that Carlton have bid for Arsenal. It is, in fact, Charlton who have bid for the Gooners as they are interested in taking them back to their South London roots as a nursery team now that the Addicks have established themselves as London's top team.

However, there are plenty of other TV companies interested in taking over. So far there is only one company definitely out of the running, Nickelodeon - their application was laughed at by the League Management Committee. One club chairman said, "We can get the mug punters to pay more than nickels!"

Arsenal have been linked with the Landscape Channel, although Mary Whitehouse has complained about such filth being shown before the watershed. Talking of sheds...Chelsea may have to settle for RAI UNO, although a new company, UK Diving has shown an interest.

Millwall have already signed a deal with the Trouble Channel and The Sci-Fi Channel have done a deal with West Ham because, apparently, there is a universe out there where the Hammers are a big club.

The Paramount Comedy Channel have linked up with Aston Villa so we can look forward to endless repeats of the hilarious "Dwight Yorke is not for sale at any price" saga.

And what about Spurs, I hear you ask? Well, their plans have been thrown into disarray by the withdrawal of the Christian Channel. UK Gold and the Fantasy Channel have been widely regarded as the companies most likely to take over at Tottenham, but my understanding is that the favourite is now the Disney Channel who are looking for a Mickey Mouse team to control.

Watch this space!

BREAKING NEWS .....BREAKING NEWS ....BREAKING NEWS .. .... After recent revelations alleging that explicit videos were made by Mark Bosnich and Dwight Yorke while at Villa, the Playboy Channel have suddenly sprung up as a possible buyer. ... While over at Newcastle, they are attracting bids from the Adult channel because of all their “sexy” football .... Wimbledon are having talks with Challenge TV .... it is rumoured that all matches at Wembley stadium will be shown in a deal with UK Arena.....Even in the Nationwide, companies are showing interest in taking over clubs. For example, a move for QPR is being considered by the shopping channel QVC as it would not mean a huge change in the club's name.....BSkyB are reconsidering their bid for Man U and may go for Coventry instead, renicknaming them the “SKY NEWS” .... Tottenham subject to a late bid from UK Style and SKY Soap channels..... Travel channel linked with Wimbledon should they move to Dublin....there is no truth in the men and motors channel being linked with Arsenal either.